I think a time in every girls life we are given a journal. I can’t explain why only girls are given this as a gift and boys are not, but I can say that I appreciated my journal at times growing up. I can’t say I have a lot a vivid memory’s growing up that stuck with me. Of course there are certain things that I remember but my memory is never the big stuff. I don’t look back and think of my graduation day from high school, or my school trips, or even the boyfriends I had. What I do remember is anytime I felt like I was going to shatter with emotions I would write in my journal.
Sometimes it wasn’t a particular book but just a piece of scratch paper I found and I would write. I would yell at my brothers, how much school work I had, and even on my really low days I would just express everything in my head; all of this on paper never our loud. It was such a relief to be able to get out my stress in some way. I am your average people pleaser and I want to make everyone happy and that stress would weigh me down.
My mom and dad were very loving to me and I had no room to complain, I didn’t have any stresses that would explain my need to release in to journaling. It might sound lame, but for as far back as I can remember there are days that I can’t explain why I feel a certain way. I will wake up in the morning and just feel like I am in a fog of emotions. I have a hard time explaining this but I will feel sad when everything is going right in my life, or lonely when I have everyone I love around me. I don’t know how to express myself when I feel like this so I go in what I refer to as self isolation. I am not sure if this is experienced by other people but I can tell you what I do when I start feeling this way. I write about nothing and everything.
I don’t have a journal right now but I will grab a piece of paper and just start writing. I am not a very good writer in the since I ramble, and suck at making myself clear. Journaling is suppose to take you away from that worry and be a way to let go. I expressed to my husband to possible take a writing class because I feel like I am in a rut right now and thought is would help. Luke asked if I could start blogging and see if I enjoyed it before I took classes. I timidly agreed to try but I am terrified of not knowing what to write about and rambling.
I started blogging a few days ago and talked to Luke about the subject of my post: just reviewing books that I have read, about my weight loss, I also thought about just making it about raising two little boys. I can tell you that when I plan it will most likely not stick because ‘Juli’s Life’ has mostly been about what comes to mind that day. It as become a journal in a way but I am opening myself up to the chance that people will read it.
I don’t know how I feel about people reading about the stuff that rambles in my head at weird times but I can say that I am excited when I’m able to hit post at night even if it is a bunch or non-since. I am enjoying my rambles and am feeling more confident with the idea of creating. Just being able to put your thoughts down instead of caring the weight around is refreshing. Blogging as become like an open journal into my life. I want to be able to look back on posts and remember what I was feeling at certain time. I am really exited to read back through them and see if my goals I set have been met. Also revisit the amazing books, and authors that have become important in my growth as a person. I am finding I love to blog and create something even if its just a butch of ramble on a computer screen. Thanks you babe for encouraging me to start this.
Categories: Writing
Tags: writing